This was the first thing I said to another living soul today:
*text to Bambi-Lou* “Good Morning. I hate bras.”
AND I DO….
I’m betting if you’re a person blessed with breasticles, you do as well….
I used to care about how pretty they were, now I just want to find one that doesn’t feel like a straight jacket whist keeping my Girls up off the floor….Consequently I go without as often as possible, which is why you should watch your step if you come to my house unannounced lest you trip over one (or two)….It happens.
Here’s a tidbit I shouldn’t share but will anyway: When Avery’s Mom was like 3 or 4 she told me “Mommy, when I grow up I hope I have nice looong boobies like you” which is when I stopped changing clothes in front of my children…
Let’s take a look at the uplifting (ha!) history of the bra…
Ancient Greeks first decided that boobs should be wrapped and flattened, and not just on women folk; apparently if a dude had moobs they got bound up as well! It all went downhill from there…
By 1863, the U.S. Patent office had over 1200 patents for “breast supporters”….and that wasn’t a list of guys who liked them as that would be a MUCH longer list…
I’ve always liked to blame the invention of the bra on a man with Mommy issues, cuz who else would want to torture women that way?? I was wrong. We were betrayed by one of our own, a chick named Marie Tucek who came up with idea of straps over the shoulders, separate “pockets” and the much despised hook/eye closure….Bitch.
I no longer believe that bacon makes everything better….
And no amount of money can make a bra comfortable. Case in point:
This sucker cost $15 million bucks and betcha it still pinched like a mutha…
So whats a girl to do (with her Girls)? I’d love to just burn them all ala the 60′s but I’m not that hypocritical, I shake my head in bewilderment when I see a woman out in public sans bra when she CLEARLY needs one. My Mom never needed a bra, EVER. I envy those teensy little hooters that she beefed up with inch thick foam pads in her bras, just to reach a B cup…
So I reckon I’ll spend my next few decades doing the same thing I’ve done for the past few; pulling and tugging at my bra trying in vain to adjust it into some semblance of comfort.
*sigh*
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Amen! Preach it sista! I think the discomfort of the bra is in direct relation to the size of the breasticles (love that by the way!). But anyone with a cup size bigger than a B knows that I suppose. Leave it to me to state the obvious.
I used to swear by the Playtex 18 hour bra. I found it comfortable though I don’t recall whether it was very supportive. Then I discovered underwire! I know, underwire is from the Devil! Some underwire anyway. The right underwire is supportive and not too pinchy (technical term). I found my favorite bras (one white, one black, one nude) at Fashion Bug and wore them out. They were very comfy and supportive when they were brand new. A few months later they’d get stretched out some and not be so supportive but there were still comfier than any others I’d worn.
I recently went back to get more and they didn’t have any — wah! And Fashion Bug was closing! Sob. Alas I was forced to try a different style. And found my NEW favorite bra! Turns out for years I was buying the wrong size and when I figured out the correct size I was amazed at the difference. Bonus! With Fashion Bug closing I bought four (or five) new bras for about the price of two!! Score!!
Great post Grammy! Way to put the humor in something So. Not. Funny.
OK, how does one discover the correct size for the girls??
Dang it, I just tried to find the article I read but I can’t track it down now. I gave the hard copy to my daughter who is equally “blessed”. If you google DIY bra-sizing you’ll see a bunch of results. The video result at cafemom is probably the closest to what I remember reading. I was wearing a bra with the band too big and the cup too small.
I won’t say that I LOVE wearing a bra now, but I certainly hate it less than I used to. And I feel the girls are getting better support.
You kinda rock